I have a cat. His name is Max. Max is 16 years old. Funny thing about old cats, they have narrow ambitions. For most cats, those ambitions include eating, peeing, pooping and sleeping. Not Max. Max has recently devolved into a serial killer. I don’t have the heart to turn him in. But I must say that he’s put the fear of cat into our local lizard population
It’s disturbing. First, he nags everyone in my house about going outside. When he gets there, he picks a spot under our Ginger plant. He sits there, waiting for some poor lizard to scurry by. Then, he pounces, kills them, eats them, and returns to his ambush post to wait for another.
Ironically, that’s not what bothers me. The real problem is that if Max can’t get outside to satisfy his urge to murder the innocent, he pees. Everywhere. The couch. The laundry pile. The fireplace. The house plants. The dog’s beds. Everywhere but the litter pan. So, I’d heard cats do this because of anxiety.
Frankly, I think Max is causing more anxiety for the lizards and for my dogs. But I thought I’d try putting Max on CBD Oil. Here’s what happened…
Max’s CBD Oil Dosage Plan…
Obviously, I’m partial to cannabis products. But when I first heard people were giving them to their pets, I thought it was just a marketing gimmick. That was until I put “Murder Max” on CBD oil. He gets three doses a day. Two topical treatments, and one oral.
The topical dose is pretty simple. First, I distract Max with a treat. Then, my wife rubs the CBD oil into his skin just behind his right or left ear. The vet tells us the skin is thin there, and the solution seeps into his epidermis, and finally into his bloodstream.
The oral dose is a little trickier. Apparently, in spite of his habit of chewing live lizards into bloody pieces, Max has standards when it comes to ingesting CBD oil. Honestly, I think it’s a ploy to get a small helping of tuna fish, because that’s the only way we can fool Max into eating the oil.
Anyway, that’s the simple dosing plan. Max gets about 1oz of CBD oil a day. In theory, that’s supposed to calm his nerves and stop him from peeing in the house. Max has been on CBD oil for about a year now. Here’s what’s happened so far.
Max’s Response to CBD Oil
After giving CBD Oil to Max for a year, I have to admit that there’s something to this whole idea of pet anxiety and CBD oil. First off, Max only peed indoors a total of three times in the past year. Still three more times than I’d prefer, but it beats once a day.
Max is also much. He reminds me of one of those “stoners” I knew in High School. He does everything in slow motion now. His meow sounds like someone recorded it and played it back in super slow motion.
It takes him, no kidding, about 5 minutes just to lay down. Even after he’s picked a spot. Thankfully, it takes him about as long to start peeing. So, whenever we see him standing for more than 30 seconds on the couch, the fireplace, or the laundry pile, we know what’s coming next. We have plenty of time to grab him and carry him outside before he fills the entire house with the smell of ammonia.
Unfortunately for the lizards, Max is still quick enough to catch some of them off guard. But most of them get away. Max doesn’t seem to like that. But I honestly think he’s too doped up to care. Is this because of the CBD Oil? I don’t know. Max is coming up on 85 in cat years. Maybe he’s just getting old.
But the scientific reasoning is that the ingredients in CBD Oil have a relaxing impact on the nervous system. Animals also have similar cannabis receptors to humans. And, as far as I know, the placebo affect doesn’t work on cats. So I don’t think Max is psyching himself out.
Either way, I’m glad for it. He seems a lot happier. So are we. So are the lizards. Mostly.